I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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