Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
