dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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