You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
