she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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