Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
