i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
