2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
