if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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