apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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