I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
