My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
