She went from zero to smokin in five shots
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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