It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
