if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
