pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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