I just saw a hot homeless man
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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