So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
