i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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