we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
me + whiskey = a bad person
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
