I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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