why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize