Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Crop dusting thru forever 21
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
