im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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