but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
