evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Farmville is her only friend.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
