I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
