please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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