he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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