Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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