Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
