My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
