God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
