I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
