Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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