Do you still have your period?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
