Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
