do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
