dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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