Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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