I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
