If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
