sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
