let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
