Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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