It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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