making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
