if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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