The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think i scared a bird with my dick
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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