i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
