Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize