In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
