I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
