i can't believe i had my finger in that
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
