I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
