i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It's blow job season.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
