I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
