I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
