Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
