I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
