i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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