You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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