FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I want to fling myself into the sun
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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