Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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