Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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