I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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